my bed head

I started this blog so that I would have somewhere to put my old ideas.  And I hoped in doing this my creative juices would start flowing. And then! I would see that my work was being looked at by someone and I would feel obligated to share more current ideas.  This was all going to work perfectly.  And naturally, it has.  I’m organizing my studio.  I’m readying myself for the creative burst.  But I didn’t take into account the meditative state I get into when I am lying perfectly still for up to – if not over- an hour to get my toddler to sleep every night.  And in that incredible state of being, interrupted by my own shushing response and phoney threats of abandonment to the singing of songs my two-year-old likes to yell. I come up with brilliant idea after brilliant idea.  And each idea is perfectly worded and I don’t have to use any thesaurus to look up a better word for ‘perfect’ or ‘word’.  It just comes to me.  And I love myself. And life is good.

And then, I wait until the kid crashes and I have forgotten every single thing.  Sometimes, I haven’t just forgotten the brilliant wording but the topic itself is gonzo.  Gone with the mother fucking wind of a two-year-old laughing and spitting herself to sleep.

So I toddle into one of her brothers’ rooms and continue the ‘get to bed’ ritual with as much love and affection as I can possibly muster.

These deep breaths are getting me nowhere.

I miss myself.

Can someone put my kids to bed for me tonight?  Please.

One thought on “my bed head

  1. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You are wonderful.
    There used to be a quote taped to my desk that said “writing is easy. Just sit in front of a blank piece of paper until blood drops from your forehead. “. Or something like that….

    Liked by 1 person

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